Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
