drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
