hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize