I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
