why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
