Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
