You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
