A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
worst night to have a conscience
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
