9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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