theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
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Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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