it's not cheating when I paid for it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
