can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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