I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
