The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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