I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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