Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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