i just had sex bonerless
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
