There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
