and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't put those talents on a resume
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
