You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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