if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
