I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
