I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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