please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
