True but thats because hes a fetus.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.