also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is the high leading the old right now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.