she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.