My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.