totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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