just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.