He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.