Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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