I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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