bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
