We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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