This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
