You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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