Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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