dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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