Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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