I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
