oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
