Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
