I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
