we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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