The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
