It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
