Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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