so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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