I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We need a shit load of segways right now
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
