I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
