I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
