So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
