i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
