I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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