He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
