That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
