I'm lost and stupid without you.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The air was thick with penises
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
