I haven't been this sober since birth.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
