Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
