Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
