he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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