Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
