I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
