You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Randomize
