I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
