Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
