I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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