Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
