I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
sex in a hospital.. check
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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