so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
