Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
