i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
