Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
