We won't sleep together?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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