You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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