i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
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Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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