OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
