just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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