I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
