U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
