Dual....:-)
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
