Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
