I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
