I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
