Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize