I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
