Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize