Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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