You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
