porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
